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Coping Without a Successful Pregnancy

By: Rachel Newcombe - Updated: 4 Apr 2012 | comments*Discuss
Unsuccessful Success Successful Pregnant

When you’ve had your heart set on getting pregnant, have been through endless fertility treatments and it still hasn’t worked out successfully, it can be very hard to handle. It may not be much consolation when you’re in the depths of despair, but there are others in the same situation too.

Fertility problems are difficult to handle at the best of times, but when you’re first undergoing investigations and have the hope of treatment lingering ahead of you, there’s something positive to focus on. Although treatments have advanced considerably over the years and the there are good chances of success, it sadly doesn’t work out with a happy ending for everyone.

Sometimes couples aren’t able to get pregnant at all, despite numerous treatment cycles. Sometimes they do get pregnant, but then tragically suffer from ectopic pregnancy or miscarriage and lose their much longed for baby. All situations can be very difficult to handle – perhaps more so if you temporarily have a successful pregnancy, only for it to be whisked away from you - and it’s hard to break out of the inevitable doom and gloom that descends.

But, difficult as it is, it won’t do you any good in the long run to be overrun by gloom that you can’t break free of. It can put enormous pressure on your relationship, both as a couple and with friends and family, and it’s especially hard if one person is depressed and the other is trying to make the best of the situation.

It’s not easy to admit defeat when you’ve wanted something so badly, but in some circumstances it may be necessary to do so. Or perhaps you need to come to terms with your pregnancy being unsuccessful, recover and then get yourself back into a state where you can try again. Even if you’ve been advised that it’s unlikely that fertility treatment will ever be successful for you, it’s not necessarily the end of the road as options such as adoption are still viable.

Moving Focus

No-one is doubting that it’s hard to move on from such difficult circumstances, but staying in doom and gloom forever won’t do you, your relationship or your health any good.

Counsellors often suggest that, if you’ve been completely immersed with thoughts about pregnancy, fertility and babies, and are low about your lack of pregnancy, then trying to move your attention onto other short term projects can help. It’s hard to stop thinking about the one thing that’s massively important to you, but having other things to think about can ease the burden a bit and bring you out of the ‘bubble’ you’ve created around you.

For example, it can be really small and simple things, like planting new plants in your garden or decorating your bedroom, or bigger things like having a new kitchen fitted or planning an exotic holiday. Or perhaps you could both choose something new to do, such as taking up a different activity, trying a new hobby or visiting new places. Whatever you choose to do, it’s good to invest time and energy in other things, develop new interests and enjoy thinking and planning your project together.

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